Parenting style with love and logic
When you’re expecting your first child you make all the plans to enforce the best parenting style. Is there such a thing? Maybe. But there are some effective tips and amazing parents to learn from. I have two of them. Being in education for 19 years has allowed me to see some great parenting examples and non-examples too. I am a parent and I strive to be as close to a great one as I can. But what does that include? Parenting with love and logic is the theme and my response to that answer. One can hope to have the utmost unconditional love for their child but logic (principles of reasoning to go by) must be included. We live in a very modern world and it is always changing. One cannot let the world raise our children. With logic in the home, your parenting style will come out on top.
When parenting is hard
No one was born with the knowledge of how to parent. We all become the product of the adults we were raised around. Let that sink in. When disputing which age group parenting is the hardest I guarantee there are different votes. There is not a childhood stage that will always be the answer. All stages can be hard for different reasons. We all have different experiences too so no wonder the answers are different. For me? I have one biological child and had a hand in parenting two children in foster care. For this purpose, we’ll talk about my bio son.
The newborn stage was hard because he wasn’t a consistent sleeper like some other babies were at that time. Do you think I’m being dramatic? Try 2 years of a couple of weeks with “sleeping through the night”. That definition is 6 hours of consistent sleep. That sleep deprivation will get the best of parents. I couldn’t always sleep when he slept because of my full-time job. It was so hard. But was it the hardest stage? Looking back now, no. The toddler stage was pretty good for us, believe it or not. Potty training had its moments, but we came out on top at 28 months old!
The 4-year-old stage stands out to me. Parenting was a little hard here. My husband got a new job which caused us to move. I truly feel the transitions rocked my son’s world and we saw some behaviors we hadn’t seen before. Thankfully with many years of experience with working with students with very severe behaviors, this was just a bump in the road for us. Some extra communication, a visual chart for expected behaviors, and positive reinforcements were included in our daily lives. After consistency, love and support my son was good to go in his new environment.
Parenting vs. Controlling
School age is the stage when your child will meet new kids and have more playdates. This is when that “logic” will come into play. The principles that are laid down as a family will grow with your child as they have experiences with other children and families. Did my logic line up with all of those families? No. But I stayed close for those and you should too.
Currently, we are into parenting a new teen. “I still love him so much” is my weekly reminder if he reacts the way a 21st-century teen does. He is a typically developing teen with some mood swings, but thankfully always comes back to that sweet toddler-like boy I have always known. Sports and friends are what drive him currently. Parenting in this teenage stage has hard moments because now I am not always close when he is making decisions. I can’t and don’t want to control everything but I can continue to parent. I just hope and pray the morals and logic we laid down when he was younger stick and he makes the best decisions he can. Do I still want to tell him “yes” every time he asks for something? 110% I do. For some experiences we do. But I can’t for everything. Of course, I hear “But everyone is going”. I feel this is payback from when I was a teenager. He stays mad for that moment, sleeps on it, then he moves on.
Our parenting has always been about setting clear rules and expectations while practicing flexibility and understanding. This is also true with the cell phone. When he first started with it, I was checking it daily for his safety. Now, I pay an annual fee for a well-known platform to screen his phone and only notify me if there are concerning conversations. This falls under “Authoritative Parenting”. It works for us and in my opinion, creates very strong bonds between parents and kids.
Which parenting style is considered the ideal style
According to psychologists, there are four types of parenting styles. They include:
- Authoritative Parenting (what I mentioned above)
- High responsiveness, high demandingness
- Sets clear rules and expectations for their kids while practicing flexibility and understanding
- The Permissive Parent
- High responsiveness, low demandingness
- Communicates openly and usually lets their kids decide for themselves, rather than giving direction
- The Neglectful Parent
- Low responsiveness, low demandingness
- Lets their kids mostly fend for themselves, perhaps because they are indifferent to their needs or are uninvolved/overwhelmed with other things
- The Authoritarian Parent
- High demandingness, low responsiveness
- Enforces strict rules with little consideration of their kid’s feelings or social-emotional and behavioral needs
Research suggests that “authoritative parents are more likely to raise independent, self-reliant and socially competent kids.” With this said, it is healthy to dip in and out of the other types depending on the situation. I have done this and still do. If my son is sick and/ or safety is a factor you can guarantee I am dipping into other styles for that situation. You know your child best. Use the parenting style that works for your family.
If you follow these tips, you should soon start seeing wonderful results in your parenting. Maybe you have a tip I didn’t include? Leave a comment and let me know. Until then download my freebie below. If you want more check out this baby milestone tracker.