What Marriage Means
The Merriam-Webster dictionary states marriage is the state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. Other words that describe marriage are match, union, and relationship. There is some controversy around the world that involves cultural traditions, religious beliefs, legal rulings, and ideas about fairness and basic human rights. I’m not here to debate or even discuss the controversies. I am here to describe what marriage means to me and share my story of how marriage works.
How Marriage Works
After eighteen years of marriage and twenty-five years of being together, I am here to tell you how marriage works. Of course, it hopefully starts with someone you are compatible with. It is 100% ok to not be fully compatible with someone. If that happens, maybe this quote will help you through. “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.”
― Leo Tolstoy.
It is more than a day of celebration and saying vows. Marriage is just the beginning of a very important and meaningful journey. Pack your bags, because this ride includes unconditional love, patience, trust, respect, affection, intimacy, compromise, and mostly communication. Communication is the umbrella word for the rest of those characteristics. If you can’t talk to your spouse about how you feel in those other areas then that needs to be addressed, like yesterday. If talking is uncomfortable for you, text it or write it down. Couple journaling is powerful. We did that at the beginning. It’s ok! I have effective ideas at the end. Keep reading.
My Story
I got married to my high school sweetheart in 2006 in North Carolina. We knew marriage meant “a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.” What we didn’t know was how marriage worked. It was all the puzzle pieces of how to make it work. We each had wonderful role models to show us what healthy marriages looked like, but It was our turn to do this in a more modern fast-paced world.
The first three years were tricky for us, but according to research “that’s normal.” I was the morning person and he was not. We communicated and figured out ways not to get on each other’s nerves. Balancing joint checking accounts and joint bills was new territory. I was used to shopping on the weekends when I had three other roommates to split bills with, but I had to limit that because marriage transitioned that to only one “roommate.” We communicated about this because if we didn’t we probably wouldn’t have had dinner some nights. Holidays at his house or mine were a conversation each year. Thankfully, our childhood homes were 20 minutes from each other so with our accommodating families it worked out to alternate celebration times. How did we come to that conclusion? Communication and compromise!
Those are just a few memories of our first three years. As you see, what got us through and still does to this day is communication! You can’t lose yourself in a marriage but you must commit fully to being dedicated to this person with mutual trust, give undivided time and attention, and have good communication including listening and compromise. “Love is not just a feeling of happiness. It’s a willingness to sacrifice and give without expecting anything in return.” – Anonymous
Which Marriage is Most Likely to Succeed
I take a lot of pride in our relationship and marriage. We are a true partnership and have grown so much together. We have encountered happy and sad moments in life, stars and steps in our careers, children, many moves, etc. Do we argue at times? Yes! We are human. He and I have tolerance and patience for each other. We are 100% open and honest. My husband and I respect each other when we are talking to or about each other. We have the most consideration when planning for the other. All these years later, we have created so many of our own traditions and memories. It has been fun and came from our willingness and ability to compromise in some areas. As much as I despise it when he does it to me, constructive criticism works for us too. Who better to hear the truth from than my soul mate and the one who knows me the most.
While I can’t 100% answer which marriage is most likely to succeed, I can tell you ours is evolving beautifully. Honestly, even better than I imagined when I said “I do” in 2006. It is built on communication, compromise, and intimacy. Those are our three secrets to how our marriage works. This man is my world, my best friend, my home. “Love is not about finding someone to live with, it’s about finding someone you can’t live without.” – Anonymous
If you follow these tips, you should soon start seeing wonderful results in your marriage and relationship. Maybe you have a tip I didn’t include? Leave a comment and let me know. Until then download my freebie below. If you want more check out this in-depth guide.